Don't Try This at Home

I sprayed pepper spray! in my dorm today. I was curious. The mini cylindrical container on Elza's keychain seemed warm and inviting, and the button was screaming, "PUSH ME! PUSH ME!" So I did. But first I aimed it at my friends.

A greenish plume of smoke emerged, and seemed harmless. I laughed and walked out of the room, (foolishly) breathing as I did so. I don't think I was prepared for what hit me. I don't think Hacky or Elzie were either. I have a headache, I sneeze and cry and laugh and cough uncontrollably, and I've lost control of my limbs. It's like falling in love all over again.

I sit in my room still, basking in the warm glow of the pepper spray!, feeling how I imagine a debauched, poor-planning and even slower moving rapist does the majority of his attack time (AT). Elza and Matt are nowhere to be seen. If I don't mistake their virtue, they are probably rescuing poor little Tyler Huff, who happens to be locked in his dorm room next to mine. I imagine he's passed out and therefore cannot answer his door, and will probably die sometime soon from the smothering carpet of a scent Matt Lind is no longer (and never should have been) a fan of.

No. I'm not stupid. Well, maybe.